Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Hunt

Authors Notes
Is there a message that stands out to you? I think that in this piece the friendship the characters have work the best. It was easy to think of the characters and their personalities. Do you think I should change anything? Does my story make sense to you? How can I change it to make it better? It was hardest to think of the characters background stories. It was also hard changing from one scene to another. The weakest are of my short story is most likely the end of it. Can you think of a way that i can change or add on to the ending of my story?

                                                 The Hunt
Its almost daylight and Conner, Annie and little Leah have been running all night. Just when they're about to fall with, exhaustion, they come across an old brown barn. As they approached the barn they hear a voice call out
“Who’s there?”
“My name is Conner and this is Annie and Leah was looking for a safe place to hide. “Who are you?”
“My name is Seth, and I’m hiding to.” As he said this he carefully leaked out of the shadows. It turns out that Seth was also hiding from the hunters. “My father was once a billionaire, he gave money to the poor, and he funded in small companies trying to get bigger. Then the money got to his head. Instead of funding in companies he bought them. Then he got greedy, he wanted the white house and he would do anything to get it.When the government wouldn't sell it to him he planned to overtake it. His plan never executed. Instead he was arrested along with the rest of my family because they were afraid they would try and do the same. I was lucky enough to get away, but know the government sent the Hunters to find me and kill me if they have to. That’s my story.”
“Wow that’s some story.” Exclaimed Annie
“Now that I told you my story, you should tell me yours.”
Conner sighed “I wish we knew our story. All we know is that when our dad was on his deathbed he told us to run, hide, don’t trust anyone, and as soon as you think its safe find your way back home to Maine. Always remember home is where the answers are not with the hunters.”
“At first we didn't know what that meant, but know it makes sense. We are wanted dead,” whispered Annie. at some point during the stories little Leah had fallen asleep.
“maybe its time for all of us to get some sleep.”  Conner whispered as  he laid down for a days rest.
the next day they were awaken by hoof  beats. they seemed to be getting closer and closer.
“we need to move, now.” exclaimed Seth, “i’ll lead you to the back exit of the barn.”
as fast as they could they ran for the exit.they could see the little when Leah screamed.
Conner ran back over to her. She was on the ground babying her ankle.
“What happened?” rushed Conner nearly out of breath.
“I don't know, i tripped over something.” cried Leah
“Can you stand?” Leah tried to stand up but cried out in agony once she put weight on her leg.
“i'm going to have to carry you know,” said Conner
“its going to slow your pace,”Seth explains, “ I'll stay back and delay the Hunters.”
“we can't let you do that”, said Annie
“its fine i'm done running, i'm done hiding, I can't take it anymore. I already know my story, go find out what yours is.” said Seth
“you would do that for us even though you just meet us?” asked Leah. Seth nodded.
“now go before its to late” encouraged Seth. They all thanked Seth and gave him their blessings. they moved as fast as they could, as far away as they could get. Two days later Leah's leg wasn't getting any betterHer knee was as big as a grapefruit, her hole leg were horrifying shades of green and purple. Even though we knew she was in pain, she didn't show it. On the bright side we found a road and decided to follow it but still stay hidden in the woods. Miles and miles later we saw a sign that said ‘1 mile to Maine..


  1. WHAT HAPPENED TO SETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1. I thought that the conflict was great and it reminded me of the hunger games a little with the game keepers and such. I wish you said something about Seth
    2. The family needed to get away from the hunters, then they met Seth who helped them with that.
    3. My favorite part of the story was when They were going to run and then Lean got her foot stuck and then Seth said he would help them get away!
    4. I loved that the setting was from the barn story we had to write!
    5. The seed that you planted was the way that they were talking and how i know that something would happen but I could tell what which made me more and more interested.
    6. I liked everything about it i thought that it was great, very well done!
    Great Job Ally!

  2. 1.) The conflict in the story is that Leah Annie and Conner and Seth are all hiding from the hunter.The external conflict is the hunters finding them . The resolution is that Conner and his two sisters found a road home.
    2.) The main character Conner didn't really change through the story they all stayed the same.l
    3.)My favorite part of the story was when Conner went back to save his little sister and carried her even though he knew it would slow them down.
    4.) I think that the best quality of this story is the element of a plot, the plot in this story makes you want to read more and more. This is a good quality because in a short story that is what you want you want to have as many people to read your story and get feedback from them to make your story better.
    5.) In this story ally plants seeds for another story to be written because she leaves you at a cliffhanger and you want to know what happens next.
    6.)I think that the main thing that you need to revise before you get your final grade is to maye to add more details about where they are and how the characters feel throughout the story.

  3. 1. i think that you could've explained more of their journey to their house.
    2. i Could tell that the kids have been running for a long time and that they have changed while they were running.
    3. my favorite part of the story was when they had met seth he he said he would stay back so that they could get away.
    4. your dialogue was good ad the way you worded it was nice and smooth when i was reading.
    5.I understood what the theme was and it was very clear.
    6. i think what you have to fix is you use the same words over and over sometimes other wise it was really good:)